MLB Promotions Are Subtle

You probably didn't notice at first, but look carefully at the Twins May schedule between the 21st & 23rd and you'll see it. I couldn't believe it either, but after a torturous wait the Twins are finally playing Han Solo. And in Texas of all places? Obviously MLB picked the location based on the Texas desert climate and its similarity to that of Tatooine's this time of year. Dammit Bud Selig, just give the game away why don't you?

In related news, I bet you'll never guess when the new Indiana Jones movie comes out. I do though. I figured it out all by myself.

Carlos Gomez will waterboard your ass

Remember when Kevin Garnett took heat for saying game 7 of the Western Conference Semi-Finals against Sacramento was going to be "a war?" Like most, I denounced the statements as deplorable and completely inappropriate. After all, there was a war on! But now that the world is once again at peace thanks to a swift victory over terror, St. Paul Pioneer Press writer Tom Powers couldn't resist such a perfect analogy when talking about Twins outfielder Carlos Gomez.

"Morneau can pop one over the fence at any time. Gomez is like water torture -- drip, drip, dripping the other team to death."

I can't wait to see Powers at the next black tie journalism event that I will no doubt be attending (this time with an invitation). Our conversation will go like this: "Sir Powers you wordsmith! Your torture analogy tickled my funny bone half to death. Wait til the boys at Guantanamo here about this one!" Then we'll both laugh so hard my monocle will fall out and I'll excuse myself to the gentlemen's room.

"WHCA Still A Gentlemen's League"

You'd never guess it from the name, but WesternCollegeHockey.com just so happens to be a great site for information regarding Western College Hockey. That said, they maybe got this headline wrong. Here's a quote from the article not worth reading in the first place:

"The WCHA held their league meeting last week prior to the National Coaches convention in Florida. One of the big issues discussed was the league's gentleman's agreement of not recruiting players that have already made verbal commitments to other schools."

I'm only posting this because the real story here is the "National Coaches Convention" in Florida. The Hooters waitresses aren't gonna know what hit em - 35 toothless, mullet-sporting, middle-aged white guys telling hockey stories and making jokes about the chicken breast. Get it? Breasts? It's funny because the girls show off their boobs and are compensated with currency.